Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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