you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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