Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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