make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
