I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
