Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
