Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize