I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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