dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
jump out the window naked night went bad
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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