i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
