i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
