that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
