Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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