Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize