Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
