Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
