my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
