she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
