oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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