I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
420 ftw
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
