Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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