I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
