You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
