Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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