i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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