whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
