Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
