If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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