census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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