I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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