Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dicks are not precious.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
