you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
