Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize