Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
