My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
