Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
