She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
