Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
