i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
