I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Still dying that you shit outside
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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