i just made my gag reflex go away.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize