Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
