She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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