is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
