shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
