You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
