i jhust puked up my retainher.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
