Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
