i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
