The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
