ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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