Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
