so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
