Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
