I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize