6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
