oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
