I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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