im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
