My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
