I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
