we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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