someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
