The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
