you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
