i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
