Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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