I'm gonna have a badass scar
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
foreskin is a definite game changer
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
