I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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