You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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