Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
