Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
