If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
