Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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