That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
