is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
