I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
