at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
another moral hangover. fuck.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
