I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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