I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
