when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
