Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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