I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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