the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
