I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
