I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
