I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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