Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You're like the curious george of whores
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
