i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
