Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
