I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
