YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
