sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
