Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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