ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My friends, they love my intelligence
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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