i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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