This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
