10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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