New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
